Decided to delete whatever i wrote yesterday. i was in a rush to watch two shows at the same time while attempting to print all my research.

Been piled up with homework this week again. Went to school on monday in slippers... because my ankle was in pain. ghis helped me banadage it. gosh! she's good. the girls were awed by her speed and neatness. lols. many thought i dropped my bowling ball on my leg. so i just replied by saying i was looking at hot guys and tripped and fell. and ghis added in "and it's not you" when i told that to guys. hahaha! didnt go for trng that day. mr lee almost killed me because i was the 4th casualty in the team. lols.

tuesday was normal. had trng on wednesday. we played two games... and my highest in many months. yay! new ball. whEeE.. now it's back to the case of which came first, the chicken or the egg? i play well when i'm relaxed, but i'm only relaxed when i play well. so which came first? anyway, we had a half day on thursday!!! our school did well in syf. almost all had gold and above. congrats to peiyi and angklung for attaining gold!! and to pl guzheng gold with honours!! yays. friday's pe was filled with laughter because of mr menon's jokes. he's really really lame. and can crack jokes without even laughing. we cldnt stop laughing. peiyi and fel were a bit high during lunch. went for trng at night again. coach said i have to perform well for nationals. argh! stressed!

Dear ah ruo invited me to ny 30th anniversary ytd. she brought me ard ny and introduced me to every of her teacher. lol. ny people are friendly! i guess it's just the culture of different schools. you'll never get to see such friendliness in nj. she wanted me to put henna, tattoo and play all the funny stuff. haha. walked ard the whole school many many times to find ah ruo's one and only. we finally found him in the hall. and she cldnt stop going crazy. not bad lar. he looks better in specs!! haha. ate some food, met mel chua and mel fong. they've all changed on the outside!! haha. went to play jumping on the float thing. with all the young kids. lols. stayed there for quite long before going home. both of us were groaning about not being able to get tickets for pl syf concert. damn it. haha. but enjoyed my time catching up with her and serene. =)

so basically, my whole week is full. monday, wed and friday for trngs, finish late on thu. and i only have tue to rush hmk. no time for my own life. gosh. and i have to worry abt 2.4 again.

i'm sick. like how many times have i fallen sick this year?! it's barely been a month since i came down with a cold. dies. i'm so weak. probably because i have to handle so many things at once. and it's not only homework and cca. i'm not over whatever i've been sad about since last week. so i'm not ready to tell. well, whatever. piling myself with everything will hopefully help me forget abt it and get over it.

hey. i'm sorry if i hurt you. but it's just how i feel at that moment when i blog. maybe i should stop publishing those stuff if it causes any misunderstanding. it doesnt help anyone anyway. i say things which i regret later. really really sorry.

off to watch the dance floor! not because of them, but because benji is there!! yaY! hahAs.~

napfa 5 items was yesterday. gosh. the external testors were damn slack, giving everyone a chance to get an A for something that they were weak at. lols! never gotten an A for all the 5 items before. yesterday was the first and last time. wheE!! during the SBJ, the stupid mat was so slippery, so many people fell down, including me. scratched my palm, and kinda sprained my ankle. damn it. i cant walk properly now. and it's a little swollen. shall go see a doctor later. believe it or not, this is the first time i've sprained my ankle. so i'm a bit lost at what to do.

thanks ghis for being so concerned. she was trying to get me to go see her sinseh today. but i seriously am scared of pain, although she assured me 100% that it wasnt. haha. she almost made me deaf over the phone. as usual. haha. made me laugh. but it means that i cant run my 2.4km. if i fail again, i wont be doing justice to my 5 items. argh!!

anyway, after napfa fel, ghis, yiling and i went to bkt timah mkt to eat lunch. yummy! i ate cheng tng for dessert, which made me remember the times in sec4, where after np trng on fridays we'd go to the hawker centre nearby to eat soursop or cheng tng. those were the days... nostalgia. anyway, had a hard time walking to the bus stop. went out with family to eat good food for dinner. lols. then went down to brewerks... bro and dad drank that beer taster thing, where they served every kind of beer they had in small glasses. yucks. they all tasted the same to me. haha.
_________________

In Christ alone, I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory, Let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope
Is Christ alone

I will trust in the Lord to bring me over this period. And i choose to believe that whatever i'm going through is because He wants me to learn from this. I will trust him because He is the only one that still cares even if no one in this world bothers about my existence.~

alright. time really flies. i've lived 18 years on this earth.

today is campaigning day for council. damn it. i should have just stayed at home. i was freaking bored and sian the whole time. what a day to spend a birthday. i want to thank those who wished me today. you all rock!! love ya! went out to eat lunch with yiling, before heading back for cca. coach made us play against each other. it was really fun cuz ppl were on fire and we were all screaming like mad. that helped me take my mind off things for a bit.

heys. i'm really sorry if my words have caused hurt to you in anyway. i didnt mean to direct it at you or anyone at all but it was how i felt that day. maybe i overreacted. but i was upset too. i don't want to lose a good friend like you. but i really have certain things going on now plus the stress from school... it's really taking a great deal out of me. and maybe it's affecting my way of dealing with situations and how i react to them, as i've told you earlier. so i'm really really sorry.

anne marie gave me a birthday card. omg! i love her so much! it's so nice! it really made me smile and brightened up my day. mom & dad gave me a card too. and upon reading it, i broke down. what they wrote was really touching and i couldnt hold back my tears. couple with the issues i've been trying to handle for the past few days, i couldnt take it. in this case, giving up is the only correct way to solve and end my unhappiness but is it so easy just to give up like that? no. it is said that time heals wounds. i hope so. but i'm at saturation point. i cant take any of this anymore. i really dont know what to do. guess that was why i broke down today. because of multiple things. i've been so unhappy these few days and no one can really help. probably one of the most unhappy birthday i've had so far. and i wish to go back to the carefree days in which nothing mattered.

well, meanwhile, outlets for forgetting my troubles are doing hmk, going to school (i have no life. lols). these few days, i dread going home, because my mind would unconciously drift back to thinking about everything. friends and work distract me from whatever i'm thinking of. and i really want to run away from all of this.

back to homework.~

gosh. i can't believe i'm allergic to what i've been looking forward to legally do in 10 days time. gosh. 5% is all it takes. ARGH!~

alright. i woke up at 11 today. probably exhausted over ytd's run. seriously. help.

well, was attempting to do up a small part of my endless hmk when some people called. somehow, i half expected it. lols. raf & shafik were bored and ended up coming over again. lols. so in the end i only managed to do 1 essay outline and study a little for chem. before they came over, i realised i was falling sick probably because i started sneezing a lot and my throat was pain and i didnt feel too good. damn it.

this is the result of having no mummy at home for more than a week. no one to force me to eat rice for dinner and no one to force me to eat fruits after dinner. eating rubbish for meals and not getting enough vitamins everyday has caused me to come down with a freaking cold! now my nose cant stop running. arghs. i miss my mom. her absence during this time has really made me realise how much i depend on her even for my daily activities. i miss my mom's cooking. arghs. sick. sick. sick.

ok. back to today. they bought old chang kee for me. or else i'd died from hunger because i ate cup mee for lunch. thanks! raf was playing audition. and i tricked him into playing flying duck for beat up. lols! then he played yahoo pool. shafik was making side comments. and they were 'fighting violently' which made me laugh a lot. shafik used msn... and was talking to edwin. i took over without edwin realising it. so i was talking to edwin and shafik told me to scold him all i want because it was his acc anyway! lol!! then we watched 'the prayer' on youtube. gosh, anthony callea is really good. then watched miss swan... which was damn funny. and seriously made people feel irritated. lols. they went off after that. i went in search for food. it's good to have friends over. or else i'd just rot away from boredom. thanks for providing me with accompaniment and entertainment. =)

listen here. i'm sorry i didnt want to talk to you today. i was sick and i dont like to talk when i have a sore throat. but that wasnt my only reason. i'm tired of begging you to do things. to shower you with so much attention as to keep begging you to come or whatever. if that's what you want, i'm sorry to say that i am not going to conform to it. i'm sick of the fact that you always go back on your word. i'm sick of the times where you said you were coming and didnt in the end. this has not happened once or twice. but so many times that it is impossible to count. stop giving people false hope. i know other people may be used to your habits. but let me tell you that i cant. i dont deny that i once used to do that, agree and back out at the last minute and provide a thousand and one excuses for not going. but i've stopped because i dont want people to do that to me. i'd be one bloody hypocrite if i did that. so if i really cant make it for something i'd tell the truth. and please do not give me cliched excuses. they're really really really attention seeking. you may say you dont want attention but let me tell you sub-conciously you do. yeah, i know everyone has their own problems but stop portraying self-pity. talk it out with others if you want. but stop showing off your so-called pitiful life to everyone. you're not the only one in this world. other people may be worse off than you. stop portraying yourself as an 'emo' youth. nothing good is going to come off it. and i'm sorry if i've hurt you. i want to tell you that i still treasure our friendship a lot. i just want to get all this, which i've been feeling for some time, off my chest.
*disclaimer: this is my own personal space. no need to comment unless this 'speech' is directed to you.

there. off to sleep before i come down with something worse than a cold tmr.~

been damn busy. dont know why. the guys came over on tue. ate dinner with them at night. was trying to teach edwin proper pronounciation.

anyway, congrats to nj indian dance which attained a gold with honours (special mention) for syf this year!! congrats to tiff, stella, stanley and joseph! my whole class has been wondering how the guys actually look in make up and how they dance. therefore, we're going for aristal!! yay! really happy for them. the rest of the syf-ers are more stressed now that indian dance has done so well. lols.

gosh. i cant run my 2.4 for nuts. help. watched 'dead man walking' for gp today. i'm a bit disturbed over the last part. damn it. i'd rather watch ghost shows than this kinda disturbing shows.

well, freaking tired. TGIF. Thank God It's Friday. Good friday, a day to remember Jesus' crucifiction and his resurection. Gosh, i have a lot of hmk.~

gosh. who knew april fool could be so much fun?

first there's xt. who tricked me into believing that she's going to kill herself (shafik told her to take more sleeping pills). then there's edwin, who didnt believe i lost my handphone (and is still ignoring me up to now). raf, who totally got taken in that i lost my hp and i'm so dead (but he was nice abt it).

later in the evening i met raf and shafik, walked ard heartland. damn it. shafik never gets tricked. but he was calling many ppl and tricking them, which was damn funny. we went to macs to sit. raf was reading my lime mag, which i bought because there was a poster of wu zun inside. lols. he was reading the article abt big boobs=bimbo. lols.

i tricked yiling earlier, saying that physics definition test was tmr and that i was sick and wldnt be going to school tmr. she got it quite fast. then while sitting at macs when ghis replied me. omg. her reaction was damn funny. then i told her i was sick. and she asked what i was going to have for dinner since my parents werent ard. so i replied saying that i'd ask my bf to buy for me. HAHAH. and she believed it and asked who he was. she asked whether it was raf, because that's the only fren of mine she's seen before. and raf was sitting across me. so i started laughing really badly. cldnt stop. had to call her and wish her happy april fool cuz i cldnt stand it anymore. she was screaming over the phone when she found out. HAHAHAHAHA!! really laughed very hard. gosh. so fun.

then edwin came. he was still ignoring me for tricking him. lols. so i tried to talk to him, only to end up arguing with him. shafik and raf were laughing because i jagged him. which made me laugh like mad again. ate dinner at macs. because edwin wanted to eat. then sat there... they were talking abt np stuff while edwin was looking at people and i was disturbing him. lols. he didnt wanna talk to me. haha. then went to wait for the bus. before coming home.

gosh. freaking funny. haven laughed so hard for a long time. gonna tease ghis when i see her in school tmr. haha!~

一年了

It's been a year. How long more?

Anyway, Happy April Fool!~